Tag: truth

Something New: Play This Game

Photo by Kevar Whilby on Unsplash

Hello Again, My Loves❤️

I hope this post finds you all well. I have not been in the right headspace for weeks now with all that is going on in our world. And like many others, it has left me emotionally and physically exhausted and depleted. It seems like one thing after another and every day I find that I am attempting to grasp at tiny straws to keep my anxiety at bay.

This week I finally had the thought of picking up my tablet to read again. And even the inspiration to be creative. This reminded me of a poem I wrote for a contest held in a discord group I’m a member of. The piece is titled Play This Game and it is based on the theme of being “bored in the house” during quarantine. 😆 It took a while to finish when I was working on it because it evolved into a much longer piece than I intended, but I had fun working on it. And I love how it turned out.

It tells the story of an engaged couple having to spend their time together while under quarantine. In the beginning, things are fine but as the days drag on their perfect relationship begins to fall apart. This isn’t a literal reflection of any romantic relationship of mine but the frustration in the narrative and the doubt that steadily creeps in were drawn from my own anxiety and frustrations during quarantine. As you read you will notice how each of them sees their relationship and the partner they have chosen to spend forever with.

I hope you like it🙂 I’m pleased to share it with you now. Here is Play This Game:

 

Day 5

“Let’s relax and Netflix.”

Bored, but overlooking the urge to explore deeper.

Showtime. Food Network. Apple Tv.

Binge-watching anime is still the winner.

Day 10

“Let’s walk the dogs.”

“Let’s try out that new cookbook.”

Day in. Day out.

This routine has worn me down.

Day 14

“Let’s talk.”

“Let’s reconnect.”

Cosplaying as Asta and S.A.M. are losing its effect.

Do you just want to have sex?

Day 16

Prickly. Hot. And constant.

The depth of my thinning patience,

Against your incessant annoyance

Is weaning

Day 21

“Let’s replay God of War.”

“Or we can pull out the grill.”

“We can always just Netflix and chill.”

Permit me a moment alone to be still.

Day 27

Breathe. Blink. Staring out at empty streets.

The stale air in this house, just shy of suffocating,

But I’ve found better ways to play this game

Day 30

My tongue across your skin.

Salty. Bitter. Hungry.

I’m tasting a different part of you; unseen.

Corse, rough hands consume me.

Demanding. Powerful. Empty.

Day 31

I thought I missed your lips,

But I think I’m just bored again.

Day 34

“Let’s FaceTime our parents.”

“And watch-party with our friends.”

“So, you can remember the plans for our new beginning.”

Day 37

I’m choked up,

I’m tongue-tied.

I loved you once,

I swear my heart wasn’t a lie.

Day 40

But you’re convinced being cooped up inside

Has morphed this boredom into an unruly monster.

“That’s what is playing tricks with your mind.”

“Come to bed. Close your eyes. Let your mind wander.”

Day 42

I agree with your touch.

Loving. Tender. Sincere.

I agree with your assumed conviction.

Overbearing. Dismissive. A harsh puppeteer.

Day 43

As the days linger on,

Doubt settles further

What entity in these four walls is the true unruly monster?

Day 44

An easy smile and the grasp of my hand.

I submit but my mind begins to understand.

Cold. Unfamiliar. Forced.

Curl over to shield my heart’s remorse.

Day 45

Desperate for a peace of mind that is my own,

I cry in silence while you sleep.

Is this boredom controlling me?

Day 46

“Let’s clean up to stay organized.”

Nodding. I cannot refuse.

There isn’t much else to do

I have to play this game with you

Day 50

Color coordinating what stays and what goes.

Blue & purple dots present our story’s inevitable close.

Day 51

It cracks and weakens.

The house’s foundation is screaming.

Alongside our own,

I can no longer smile in this designated role.

Day 52

Our relationship was built on BlerdCon and tethered binds

But we are not the kids we used to be.

Indifferent strangers from a foreign time

So, stop playing this game with me

You shout,

I whisper.

You scream,

I hum.

Gesture to throw your fist,

I run.

Day 53

“Let’s make up.”

“I need to make it right.”

“Let’s track down a counselor. “

Let me sleep on my own, for once, tonight.

Day 54

Failed attempts to decode love’s mainframe

While we slow-burned cold in this obligated isolation

What did two bruised hearts achieve playing this wicked game?

If nothing else, an ironic and bittersweet self-reflection.

Day 55

When these doors are forced open,

And the locks are released.

I will march away willingly.

But you’ll cling to the rotting memories.

Day 63

Too much time wasted bored in this house

I pack up a box and leave the rest behind.

You try to snake around me like a vine,

But I am already halfway to the nearest liquor store for some wine.

~Play This Game by Gia.©~

 

Thank you so much for stopping by to check out Play This Game. Did you spot the anime references? 😄 *hint*: Black Clover & Buster Canons. I aim to be back at reviewing soon, loves.

Until the next post, be well. Stay safe.

Gia.❤️

 

Photos credits for this post:

*Cover Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
*Header Photo by Kevar Whilby on Unsplash
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The Good, The Bad and The Boring — A Writer’s Update While Stuck Inside

Hello, Again,

I hope you’ve been well since our last meeting. This impromptu post came to mind while working on something else and decided it was the right time to give an update. Like everyone else out there trying to adjust, cope, deal, and process all that is happening in our world with COVID-19, my normal schedule has been altered. I am balancing my normal to-do list with creating school assignments and activities for my cousin while he’s out of school.

On top of that, I’m working through a family situation that involves caring for a family member and their recovery. But I won’t get into that right now. I am still writing, reading, and kicking ass–just at a bumper rate at the moment. Ironically, this is a post I drafted based on just the titles several years ago. As both a writer and a (general) book blogger, I have always found more comfort in posting my comments and thoughts on the material I read. Rather than sharing personal stories of my struggles and hard times.

Putting that all into a journal or in the thoughts and words of a fictional character I’ve created was always easier for me than to just post it here. Will I make that part of my “something new” theme here? I don’t know. I think keeping this generally a book-blog/media site is what works best for me.

It has allowed me to make a number of contacts with creative indie writers and it is still a space I feel at home with. However, that urge to share more of me with all of you and the rest of the world bubbles just under the surface. So,  a few weeks ago I applied to be a contributing content writer with Ghost Speaks. It is a powerfully open platform where writers and just normal people can share their stories with the rest of the world anonymously, under a pen name or their own.

Over there I am still G. Jacks for the pieces I’ve shared but who knows, I might submit a few things anonymously from time to time. 😏 Whether you check out Ghost Speaks because of my posts or someone else’s story I highly recommend putting in the time to read some of the pieces there. You never know, you could come across a post from a person who has or is going through the same thing you are.

With the current restrictions and limitations we are all facing, I have turned to books, manga, anime, tv shows (a few) and writing to space out my free time and remain busy. The latter has always been my strongest saving grace. For those who might be having a hard time adjusting, I wanted to close out this post with a few options to pass the time.

WAYS TO CURVE THE SOLUM BOREDOM

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Photo by NEOSiAM 2020 on Pexels.com

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Something New: Unguarded

erwan-hesry-WPTHZkA-M4I-unsplash FOR Something New post

 

Happy New Year, peeps!

This being the 9th day of the new year 😂, I thought it best to just rip off the bandaid before getting too far along into the month. If it has not become clear, I am generally a private person and do not post too many personal things or reflections on the site, but keeping things inside and festering is the easiest way to fall into a pit of despaair–don’t even think– [coughs]

Sorry, I had a slight Princes Bride flashback there, as you do.

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Via gfycat.com

My point being here, is that in the spirit of the New Year and the season of fresh starts and new beginnings, I have been toying with the idea of putting up new poems and shorts that have been rippling away in the corners of my mind. Some are connected to things I’ve tackled and faced recently, while others represent mere reflections of situations from my past.

And while reading is still a VERY big part of my life with the screenplays that I analyze, most of the books I have read just over the last few weeks and months have gotten a few notes on GoodReads and that’s it.

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I know, it’s terrible!

But if time will not permit me longer review posts, I can attempt to do shorter ones.

Or, like I mentioned, just venture forward with this Something New theme to keep things fresh. What do you think?

Now that this little update is over, here is my latest poem titled Unguarded.

 

The Crisp, bright, open sky

The Fading, dismal, browning Earth

Each takes me back to bittersweet memories

A Calming but broken, lightly tattered gaze

Quickening pulse pulls the blood from my face

And I blink.

They’ll be gone again, the memories, once the fog catches the sinful breeze’s eye

Free and unguarded, they dash off toward the horizon

So solid and real your hand felt in mine

Now the tips of my fingers graze only the chilled-wind and wasted time

Recalling the unyielding presence of old pine trees and the acrid aroma of burning firewood that filled up my lungs

Knowing the shifting rumble of your chest against my ear with each absent-minded hum

You held me captive in your warmth and safe in your unguarded gaze

I was a prisoner picked, plucked and stuck without the need to escape

Except, not a single truth, only deceptive lies thrived, harboring in the sweet cadence of your forevermore lullaby

Again, I close my eyes at the whistle touch of the wind grazing my face

I remember your eyes and whisper your name.

~Ungaurded by Gia.©~

 

This poem was created from a blend of details from past love interests and some embellished imagery that I wanted to use to keep the theme of elements and passage of time present in the piece.

Thanks so much for stopping by to check out the first post of 2020 🙂 Hope to see you around here again and remember to watch this space ^_^.

 

Until the next post,

Gia.

 

 

Photos credits for this post:

*Photo by Roven Images on Unsplash
*Photo by Erwan Hesry on Unsplash

Why Does Bringing Awareness to & Talking About Mental illness Matter To Me?

Well over two months ago, Awarecause reached out to me and asked if I would be interested in sharing my story for a cause that was important to me. I was really surprised that they reached out to me and also really excited to take part.

I agreed to share and they sent me a promo code to purchase a necklace at a discounted price and I got it two days later. I wear my #Awarecause necklace nearly every day and as I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, I thought I’d share a longer post about it.

I was originally going to pick a pink AWARE necklace for two women in my life that I have lost to breast cancer and talk about them, but as it was meant to be a personal “your story,” I decided to purchase the mental illness AWARE necklace instead. Just that category alone is compacted with so many different variables, but I try to stick to the two that have affected me throughout my life and I hope other readers are able to connect with it as well.

I see my story as being very interconnected with so many different points of my life that it is kind of hard to pinpoint just one thing that I associate with the importance of mental illness. As a detail-oriented person and essentially a type-A personality, I am known to others as being a self-starter and so internally driven that not much of anything will leave a dent or cause me, for even a second, to slow down.

But that’s not the case—I do not think that it can be like that with anyone, ever. I am the oldest in my family, so on top of natural pressure that leaves on me to work hard, be a role model and this spearheaded, pristine example, I face my ups and my downs.

What most people may not know about me is that every day I live/fight with and adjust to a physical disability that I was born with. I can walk but my disability has its limitations, and sometimes I have worse days than others to simply make it downstairs to walk my dog but I power through it. Keeping my mental state stronger, more determined, committed and progressive over my legs and body being in so pain and discomfort that I can’t really move around is a constant struggle.

All my life it has caused me to go through such overwhelming bouts of anxiety and depression, especially when I was younger and in school. Seen as the petite girl who walked funny or was occasionally walking half the day and in a wheelchair for the rest. While I know that being handicap(able) will always have its ups and down, I also know that it shouldn’t and cannot prevent me from doing everything I set my mind on.

But not every day has been filled with unwavering gumption, assurance, and confidence. Even though I am older now, those thoughts and feelings can still weigh on my mind. I’m more fortunate than others who lose that fight every day which is another reason why I think it’s important to continue to raise awareness and bring attention to anxiety, depression, and all other forms of mental illness.

Thank you so much for stopping by and viewing this post. And huge thank you to Awarecause for reaching out and asking me to share.

 

 

 

Until the next post,
Gia J